There are times when I just have no clue what it is I’m supposed to be doing. I know the basics – every PSW knows the basics – but sometimes that isn’t enough. At least, that’s how it feels.
I wasn’t sure what to expect walking into her home. It was quiet. Was she still there? I had a feeling she was. How much longer is anyone’s guess. Laying in bed moaning, in severe pain due to the cancer that was slowly but inevitably taking her life. One breath at a time. Her daughter sitting beside her, not knowing what more she can do for her helpless mother.
It’s a cold grey day. Like her skin.
She settles and the room is quiet once again. Her daughter and I meet gazes and smile an awkward smile. I just sit there, realizing that maybe my presence is enough to help. Another body in the room. A distraction. I offer my help in anyway. But she doesn’t want anything. So I sit, as all three of us wait for death.
She didn’t die in my presence. She may still be here by the time I make my next visit a week from now.
But for her sake and the sake of her family, I hope she isn’t.