Not Everyone Is Happy.

I woke up again. Why. Why didn’t I fall asleep into an endless slumber where no hurt, pain or fear could haunt me again? I don’t want to be here and I don’t know why. It hurts to breath. Food disgusts me. My friends have lost interest in seeing me because I never return their phone calls. Why should I return their phone calls, I am of no use to anybody. I’m a mistake. My parents love me – or so they say – but would I really be missed if I ended it now? God, I wish I had the strength and courage to do just that. But I’m a pussy, a scared little coward who can’t even  end her own life. And who am I to even comprehend the thought that I would be missed? Why am I so damn special? I’m not. I’m broken and I can’t be fixed. I cry without reason. I hurt without physical injury. My whole life is a fuck-up and the world would be a better place without me.


That was me 5 years ago.

Scary, isn’t it?

Unless you’ve been through the hell that is depression, you don’t know the meaning of hell. Words can’t describe the true horror that goes through the head of a depressed individual.

I bring this up for several reasons: 1) I am no longer afraid, 2) This IS a big deal and needs to be discussed at length & 3) This affects EVERYONE.

Yep, seniors too.

She wanders the hall looking for her room not realizing that it’s 2 doors down from where she just looked. “I feel like an idiot, I can never remember where I live”. The tears stain her beautiful complexion and I hand her a tissue. “I wish I wasn’t here. I don’t want to live.” This saddens me as I know all too well the feelings she is expressing. A hug comforts her and she softly sobs into my shoulder. “I know how you feel” I whisper in her ear. She looks at me confused, puzzled, as if she thinks I am lying. I don’t blame her, when you feel like this you don’t think anyone understands. “But I do,” I say softly, and something changes in her face. Her eyes are brighter and if I’m not mistaken I think I see a slight smile forming. She knows I’m not lying.

Everyone’s pain is different. When you’re old, everyone you know is dead and you’re not in your own home anymore the fear must skyrocket through the roof. I can’t make it go away, but I can assure you the one thing everyone in this mess wants to be reminded of: You’re not alone.

Sometimes that’s all that matters.

Old People Wearing Vegetation.

A girlfriend of mine posted this on her FB page and the title alone made me laugh out loud. She’s also a large fan of the elderly and works with them on occasion as well so it’s nice that I have a friend to share this bond with. That and Jon Bon Jovi. Sigh.

Seriously, check this out. It’s unreal, and so very awesome in such a bizarre way.

Under Attack.

“Violence in retirement and nursing homes is a growing problem, as many seniors live longer and require long-term care that their families simply cannot provide.

An investigation into resident-on-resident abuse in long-term care homes by CTV’s W5 earlier this year found that such attacks are more common than many think. The probe found that more than 10,000 violent “incidents” in care homes are reported across Canada each year.”

I have a resident who’s been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Before they transferred to our home, when manic, they threatened a nurse with a knife and attempted suicide.

The police have been called on several accounts on another resident for making death threats and fighting with another resident.

Violence in the work place….it’s not what you think.

Co-worker on co-worker? It happens. Long Term Care resident on another resident? It happens more often than you think. I’ve seen it – granted not to this extent – but it’s there.

Are the PSW’s and nursing staff to blame? Maybe, but it’s hard to say. When a nursing home or retirement home is under staffed, and most are, it’s next to impossible to keep your eye on everyone.  I wish I could have a camera follow me around during my shift, just so people can see how difficult this job is.

This goes much deeper than someone having a bad day or accidentally acquiring a pair of scissors. Dementia and Alzheimer’s are biggies, but let’s not forget the other forms of mental illness: Depression, Bi-Polar, Schizophrenia. Unfortunately the “mental hospital” as it was once known is no longer in existence so where do these poor souls go? Hospitals. The street and sometimes, yes, the nursing home. PSW’s and RN’s are not properly trained or equipped to deal with the potentially dangerous issues these illnesses can present.

More staff would help this situation, but we also need people who are properly trained with the skills to deal with the unknown evils mental illness brings.

Evil doesn’t even begin to describe it.



Rockin’ Out


Rockin’ GTA Seniors land on Katie Couric


TORONTO – Two GTA seniors who made headlines after taking in their first rock concert last month will appear as special guests on the Katie Couric show Tuesday.

Lifelong gal pals Thelma Moore and Kay Hutton — both 84 — were invited to appear on Couric’s U.S.-based, nationally-syndicated daytime talk show, Katie, just days after the Toronto Sun wrote about the two women going to see supergroup Bon Jovi at Toronto’s Air Canada Centre on Feb. 18.

Moore and Hutton, who’ve been close since girlhood, had done many things together, but sitting through an ear-splitting rock concert had not yet been one of them.

The women, who had already gone on countless trips and excursions together, had also seen their friendship strengthened by going through some of life’s tragedies side by side, including the death of both their husbands and the premature passing of one of Moore’s adult sons.

Couric’s producers came looking for Moore and Hutton to ask the women to appear on a show about the power of friendship. The pair were flown to New York for a taping with Couric on Feb. 28. That show will air on Tuesday at 4 p.m. on CITY-TV.

“This is a hoot, really,” Moore said shortly before leaving for New York. “I’d seen the (Katie) show only occasionally, but have been watching it steadily over the last few days.”

AND THIS, my fellow readers, is reason #543673607 why I LOVE seniors so so much.
& Bon Jovi rules all. ❤