The Waiting Game.

Collapsed on her bedroom is floor is how she was found. Code Blue was called and everyone rushed but it was over before it began. She was battling a flu bug like everyone else and from last I saw she was improving. A heart attack. Nothing can stop one of those. Her death was a total surprise to me this morning. That’s 6, SIX PEOPLE, that have passed away on my unit since Christmas. Cursed? Or bad coincidences?

I wonder what it’s like waiting for death. I suppose that’s what we we’re all waiting for in the long run, but when it’s so close that you can feel it practically breathing down your neck. Is it a welcoming blast of warm air that comforts you? Or is it frigid and chills you to your core. You know it’ll be any minute. When all that’s keeping you alive is an oxygen tank you know it won’t be long. I didn’t like to see you this way this morning. Just brought back from the hospital after your stroke last week. Palliative care now. Nothing can stop it from happening, the only thing we can all do is make you feel as comfortable as possible before you leave. I changed your blankets because they were full of sweat. Your left hand squeezed mine when I held it in my own and that made me smile. You can’t speak but I know you’re there. I told you I loved you and I meant every word. You were always wonderful to me and I hate to see you go, especially like this. Don’t be scared. I don’t think you are though, your faith was strong and I’m sure it’s a great comfort to you now. If you want to let go before I come in tomorrow that’s ok. I’ve said my goodbyes.

Sooner or later we all say goodbye.

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